Episode Five: A Crisis of Faith - a response to the question of Faith vs. Belief vs. Realism...

The following is a response to a question regarding a crisis of faith from a reader:

"Hi Dharma-Farmer, I'm interested to know more on your feelings on doubt in beliefs in God and Jesus. People may have not truly decided on how they truly feel. Do we just give ourselves compassion and how do we evaluate our true beliefs and have confidence in them?" - Rebecca Parker

Hi Rebecca, great question! Ok, firstly, if any of this applies to you, then I am sorry to hear that. It's something many people struggle with... The "what if I'm wrong" thought lingers for years... It's supposed to...! Naturally, I can only speak from my own experience, as always. These are just my thoughts, and please bear in mind that I am a Buddhist. However, I was brought up as a lapsed Catholic, if you catch my drift, and although never baptised, as a child I was told about Jesus in school and just assumed that him and God etc were unquestionable realities. When I got to about 10, I remember starting to ask my parents questions when I found out about other religions in the world: I grew up in the mono-culture of rural Wales and actually didn't see other faiths around at all until I moved to a city at 18. Anyway, my point is we all have our own conditioning, and we all need to work within it's context.

I figure that we are the product of our conditioning, and if someone has tried to condition you to believe a certain thing, and then corked it in with a bunch of fear, then this is the result. I think it is the fear bred into people that that creates this doubt and stops them leaving theism behind. In light of this fear and doubt, showing yourself understanding, kindness and compassion in whatever you do is the foundation for a happy and meaningful life, and never more so than when putting yourself under the 'me'croscope...

I have two question for anyone who is suffering a crisis of faith:

1) Do you think that if they hadn't used fear tactics, you would be having these problems?

2) If you hadn't ever heard of the Bible, or Jesus, or God, and you just happened to pick up on it later in life, perhaps around the water cooler in work or at the bus stop, do you recon you would believe it?

Seriously, I am not trying to upset people, but they are very important questions. 

But just so we are clear about the difference between knowledge, faith and belief....

To KNOW something is to assume it to be correct, empirically, based on the information you have gathered or the results of scientific hypothesis and enquiry. e.g. I know that the bin men last collected my recycling on a Friday, because I was there when it happened.

A BELIEF is something we accept as true without any way of verifying it empirically. It is something we have to accept blindly, on authority, because someone else told us. e.g. I believe that the next time they visit to collect the bins, it too will be on a Friday, BUT I CAN'T PROOVE IT because it hasn't happened yet.

FAITH on the other hand is an EMOTIONAL response to that belief, the flip-side to our INTELLECTUAL suppositions. I would suggest, at it's highest level, it is a conviction, often the response of something Ultimate us in to something which is Ultimate and True in the universe. I think it is sensible to have faith in those things which can be verified directly in our own experience. e.g. I have FAITH that the bin men will not hurl my bins through the front windows when they have finished with them, because I trust them to be professional, and thus sleep easy on Thursday night. We can see faith as part of our emotional core, whereas a belief can only be accepted intellectually. When one no longer keeps the other in balance then we suffer an existential crisis, a crisis of faith, and it is really painful and horrible for most people. I hope the following example illustrates the differences between faith, belief and rationalism.

Imagine it is raining outside. 

- If I think that God will miraculously protect me from getting wet in the rain, then that is a matter of belief, as well as being irrational and counter to my past experiences.
- If I rationalise that it will pass, and feel ok about it, that is a matter of faith. I know that rain doesn't last forever and I take comfort in this fact.
- If decide to pray to a God (whomever that may be) to change the weather, and it stops raining, then it doesn't necessarily mean that God has intervened, because I KNOW that rain stops eventually. I can't logically deduce that God exists on this basis, it is still just an unverifiable belief.

Doubt is a horrible place to be, of that I am certain, as it were. A friend once said that he thought that being trapped in a state of indecision was worse than making the wrong decision, because doubt paralyses you and hinders you in a far more all-pervading, ongoing way. If you make the wrong call, and you were acting from a place of love and kindness towards yourself and others, then at least your conscience will be clear, and you can dust yourself of, apologise if necessary, and make other plans... Just don't allow yourself to slip back into doubt! If you are stuck in a rut of indecision, stop pointlessly flooring the mental accelerator, at least. If you are going nowhere, admit it, and stop the engine for a second to think. Maybe get out of the car for a breath of fresh air and clear your head, both metaphorically and literally speaking? 

Maybe ask yourself what elements of your life you can verify in your own experience, and go with those, trying not to worry too much about unverifiable belief systems. Those people who pedal certainty are not the ones to be trusted... Those who offer provisional hypothesis rather than an absolute certainty, those who bring to the party an invitation to live without fear, to make your own choices for yourself without coercion or threat of damnation... Those are the ones to listen to. I don't want to go to a heaven that has to bribe people. It's like trying to legislate basic human decency - being a good person is a reward unto itself, surely? Besides, any being powerful enough to create the heavens, stars and the jaw-dropping majesty of the universe is going to understand why you made certain choices, in particular why you chose to live a secular life of kindness and responsibility. He is telepathic, after all...

For me, absolving yourself of all responsibility and giving your life over to the service of someone who is potentially fictitious is a problem. You should live a life of gratitude and kindness, for the benefit of all, not just your own desires.

I can't picture God saying "...well, you were generous and considerate for 78 years, you followed your heart and you developed both wisdom and compassion towards all beings... But you failed to obey my messenger-boy son unquestioningly, so FUCK YOU! Enjoy the lake of fire!" Sorry, but I just don't see it happening. Also, what an insult to God, assigning to him the petty and all-too-human attributes of jealously and envy, vengeance and petulance? Seriously! 

5000-2000 years ago, people lived in a terrifying world with unexplainable phenomena such as natural disasters and famine. Lightning, thunder, the seasons changing, even death; all these things would have been unexplainable and threatening. These occurrences served to undermine primitive man's very being, and it's understandable that he should try and make sense of it all. He developed poly-theism (many Gods) to cover all the things that made him feel small, scared, alone and insignificant. Early man needed a friend in a hostile world. As we evolved (sorry fundamentalists) we began to understand more of the fundamental nature of existence, the cosmos, and about the line between fantasy and reality. At the time of Jesus, sea monsters were considered a legitimate hazard, for example.

The Old Testament, is a profoundly ancient Jewish text compiled by a semi-nomadic desert tribe, in which we find talking animals (snakes, donkeys etc) and an inattentive God who relies on angels to let him know what is going on in the world. For most of it, God just mercilessly slaughters 1000's of people who piss him off. All this wrathful vengeance and smiting is tiring work though, so fast forward through human history since then and we see organised theism, be it Christianity, Judaism or Islam carrying on this tradition on God's behalf. Nice one guys, cheers for that. Together, they are collectively responsible for the deaths, persecution and torture of MILLIONS upon MILLIONS of people over, all because of their own groundless beliefs. If I was in any way affiliated with a political group or a social club that was party to so much hatred, murder, bigotry, corruption, racism, xenophobia and homophobia, not to mention child abuse, I would terminate my membership immediately and never go back... I like to think any rational adult would do the same. Why should religions be allowed to get away with it?

Richard Dawkins promoting the 2011 campaign, which sparked outrage. Note, the message is a provisional one...

Religious certainty is a warning flag for me... Taxi drivers telling me that they "know" the Qur'an/Bible is the word of God because "it says so in the Qur'an/Bible!" Circular logic doesn't work for me, sorry. When a theist says to me "you can't prove God doesn't exist", it is only because they have created a God which is beyond the reaches of reasoned thought, evidence and proof. How convenient is that? I will probably expand on what in known as "the burden of proof" in another article but look it up - it's fascinating! 

With regards to the afterlife, I personally worship in the church of "I Don't Know", as it were. In general, I have a few provisional beliefs about life, but I am finding that increasingly they are being replaced with actual experience. I know that if I set aside some time (even just five minutes) every morning to meditate, it sets the tone for the day, and I usually have a great day. When I don't, I usually just have an average day. I know that if I do this for a week or so, I generally feel pretty awesome about the world, really robust and enthusiastic. I also know, for a FACT, that my actions of body, speech and mind have consequences, directly or indirectly on me and those around me. I don't have to take it on trust from an external authority. It is not a belief - I can verify it for myself. In my world, faith (or 'confidence' as I prefer to call it) is grounded in the tried and tested experience of everyday real life. I'm not saying there isn't more to the world than what meets the senses, but the here and now is the only place we can realise our dreams and aspirations. It is the only place we will ever have, the eternal now...

I know for a fact that kindness generally leads to kindness, and I see clearly that that living with greater awareness is beneficial to myself and everyone around me. I want to live my life in a way which encourages me to fulfil my duties as a human being to create with awareness. Above all else, I have an unshakable and concrete believe in the transformative power of Love. Not romantic Love, but platonic love, humanistic love, unbiased love. Beyond that, to quote "Manuel" in Fawlty Towers... "I know nothing!" 

The really insidious thing about the belief in a creator God is that is absolves you not only of all your sins but more worryingly, of all responsibility. I strongly feel that it is time to take that responsibility back! If not now, then when? It's time to choose people... Is it possible to have a "virgin birth"? Did Jesus rise from the dead after three days? Did Mohammed literally fly into heaven at the end of his life? Is God watching you RIGHT NOW? Is he/she/it listening to your every word? Or does this all sound a bit far fetched, a bit paranoid? Are these a bunch of myths and fairy-tales designed to control people through ethical commandments, keep the cash rolling in and the balance of power tipped in the favour of the various groups which espouse such beliefs? I personally have no problem with people who say they believe in a God of some sort and find inspiration in these wacky tales ("Christ's Excellent Adventure/Bogus Journey" etc), whilst conceding that they aren't supposed to be understood literally. They are allegories, archetypal stories, found in every belief system. I find the film "Die Hard" inspiring and deeply rousing. However, as a rational adult, it doesn't leave me thinking I can meet John McClane, or have the right to judge people for preferring other Bruce Willis films. Like theistic religions, they are all basically the same anyway.

Could it be that people hate to admit the sad truth of life - that most of us are not destined for Glory, riches, or power, fame or even infamy? That we by and large live good, humble but basically average existences whereby we tick some boxes, miss others, consume, breed, consume some more and then die? I think it is up to us to develop the capacity to be inspired, to retune and reacquaint ourselves with the eye-popping, jaw-dropping wonder of existence and the plethora of choices this world affords. 'Meaning' in life is a matter of perception. Could it be time to change yours?

So, what are my reflections after all this?

If you are experiencing doubt, if you are beginning to question your beliefs and think for yourself as an adult, than surely the middle way in life is the best? Reductionism, reducing the world to the material, ignores the 'magical', transcendental aspect of existence in the 21st century, as well as the emotional  dimension of our lives. Moreover, it cannot account for love. Literalism on the other hand, reading Stone-Age texts as factually accurate is to ignore your experience of the real world and the intellectual side of your being. So split the difference perhaps? Maybe place your heart, with a proud confidence, on that which can be tested, and take full responsibility for your own destiny, as scary as that might be. Just remember that impermanence means mutual connectivity, our shared humanity, which leads to love!

Getting back to your feet in the wake of adversity, dusting yourself down, and reflecting on the best way to move forward doesn't need an external supra-natural force, it just needs a bit of emotional robustness, and a "never say die" attitude will always inspire those we leave behind once we are gone, ironically. Standing tall and proud as a wonderful, unique, fallible human being, and turning to face the new dawn with a heart refreshed and an iron resolve to make the most of every precious day of our short lives - that is what it means to be truly alive, and I have absolute faith that living with the indescribable wonder that gratitude gifts us is something that we are all capable of, irrespective of our beliefs...

And hopefully that is something we can all agree on! 

xx

Episode Four: Zombie Jesus, Choco-Bunnies and my Easter Egg-sperience!

The Easter Bunny must DIE!
In times of a global obesity crisis, should we really be unquestioningly
aligning ourselves with this cheery, chocolate maniac?

My, but hasn't this last week been a busy one? For most people, Easter is a family time, a time to convene with loved ones, or to regroup one's energies and kick back into a long weekend. It's also a time of violently fizzing cavities and ruined family meals as more chocolate and candy is consumed than during almost any other festival or holiday in the world, apart from Halloween. This Easter just gone, it is estimated that each American household will have spent on average $356, amounting to a total US expenditure of over $14.7 billion in total.* That's not "egg-straordinary", thats absurd! That means that every year, over 120 million POUNDS of chocolate is consumed by Americans which translates as approximately 90 million chocolate bunnies and 91.4 billion eggs. It's beyond a yoke...

In the UK, we are not that much better** - children under 16 receive on average nine eggs, and in a recent study, 58% of children questioned chose chocolate as the most important part of the holiday, and to be fair, when I was ten years old, that was my stance too. I remember getting really upset the year before, bursting into tears because my big brother told me that if you didn't believe in Jesus, you couldn't have an egg... In his own way, I think he was trying to save me. Or eat my eggs. The bastard!

It is unsurprising then to find that even the average person here in Britain eats approximately 20lbs of chocolate every Easter. In India, by comparison, the average person only eats 165 grams a year. A sad irony is that in order to feed our insatiable choco-lust, millions of tonnes of cocoa beans are produced by farmers and workers, most of whom are amongst the 2 billion people living on less than $2 a day... Shocking, when you consider that in the UK alone, we are expected to have spent over £500 million on Easter in 2014. So where did this obsession with edible eggs and biteable bunnies come from?

The custom of exchanging decorative eggs predates Easter, which takes it's name from the figure of "Eostre", an Anglo-Saxon goddess of birth, life and the dawn of a new day - which is why the sun rises in the 'East' or 'Ost' in modern German. The symbols of the egg (new life) and the rabbit/bunny (inexhaustible virility) were linked to her and their associations go as far back as ancient Egypt. This ties in with the transition from Winter to Spring; rebirth and new life are pivotal to Christianity, as Easter is the time whereby they celebrate the alleged Resurrection of ol' 'JC' himself. 

So therefore we are left with a Christian holiday replacing an existing 'pagan' or non-Christian one (again!) and then subsequently being hi-jacked by both the confectionary industry and the manufacturers of religiously-themed breaded snacks - what did you think the cross on the bun (hot or otherwise) stood for? No doubt the card manufacture industry takes a slice of that 14.7 billion-doller pie. These are truly eye-watering statistics, especially when you consider that in the 2011 UK census, only 33% of adults classed themselves as Christian, with 25% claiming that they had no religion. 

I suppose what frustrates me about Easter, Christmas, Halloween, Valentines day, Mother's Day, Father's Day etc is the way that people just seem to bumble through with the current traditions without questioning whether they are appropriate to or in keeping with their own beliefs. I sometimes wonder if people have any beliefs these days. Some people I'm sure go through their whole lives and never question what they believe in, what they stand for or what they think is of ultimate worth in the world. 

I am a scientist, a philosopher, a lover-not-a-writer, but before I am any of those things, before I am even a gender, I am a human being. As we all know, a human being is different from all other animals due to it's unique capacity to be self-aware, to posses what is called a self-reflexive consciousness - we can be aware of how we are feeling, how those feelings 'feel' etc. We can shine the light of awareness onto our actions, thoughts and behaviours, and we can employ our "God-given' intelligence and reason to question the external world too. A platypus can't manage this nifty little trick of evolution. Therefore we could argue without too much opposition that the very quality that distinguishes us from all other life in the known universe it the ability to think about ourselves, for ourselves. I have long worried that people in the 21st century are being actively dissuaded to think at all, led by the media to simply 'shut up and buy'. A materialistic consumer-driven society is founded on just that - the consumption of material things - so we are hardly going to be encouraged to challenge the status quo, are we? 

I'm saddened by how few people come to their own conclusions about whether commemorating the execution of a radical Jewish preacher from the Iron-Age with candy is appropriate. I've read huge swathes of the bible, but chocolate rabbits are hardly mentioned. I think Easter could become a great opportunity to question Christians, and to open the debate of the Resurrection, for their sake and not just ours. I asked a few people in work today if they went to church over Easter, and everyone just laughed. It seems today that to believe in the resurrection of Jesus is ridiculous and non-sensical, but to celebrate an event you don't believe in by eating chocolate and buying cards for people - well that makes perfect sense. How stupid of me to question this!

Joking aside... Although the language is hardly traditional, this is what Christians believe, right? No offence, but I'm not sure this would stand up in court...

We appear to be living in a world whereby people either believe one of two things: that a man died and three days later was brought back to life by a God who has been strangely absent from our lives ever since - this group of people are so delighted by this 'fact' that they celebrate with edible pagan iconography. Alternatively, people nowadays seem to believe that the idea of a personal God is absurd, and that the Bible probably isn't the literal word of God or Jesus (after all, it was compiled from writings of dubious validity several generations after the death of Jesus)... and STILL then recall this fictional event with chocolate... The latter, the atheist hypocrisy and thoughtless contradiction gets me the most angry.  It's ridiculous, it's absurd and needs to stop. We can't just procure faith from Thorntons or Lindt.

This year, I didn't buy myself an egg. Nor was I given any by my family. I didn't get an egg for my partner, and she didn't buy one for me. Not just because we have better things to do with our time and money than plumpen our jowls with aorta-threatening levels of junk food, but because I am NOT A CHRISTIAN. I don't celebrate Dewali or Eid or any of the other quaint little traditions, so why would I bother engaging with Easter? I might as well commemorate the coronation of King Aragorn from the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. I don't of course, because that would be ridiculous...  'The Lord of The Rings' is a work of fiction, written by man with the intention of being widely distributed... Not like the Bible.... 

By the way, whilst we're on the subject, anyone who wants to tell me that the Bible or the Qu'ran is the literal and perfect word of God simply because the aforementioned book says so within its own pages can take their leave and alight from the conversation right now. This not the train of thought for you. It's the intellectual equivalent of saying that you believe something "because you believe it". If I tell people that I believe in the Divinity of Space-Ham, it wouldn't make it real, or any less delicious... Space-Ham: so succulent that non-believers aren't spared any in the afterlife... True story! Why? BECAUSE I SAY SO! Mmmm... Space-Ham... *drools* ...oh, and if you've never tasted Space-Ham before, I guess you never believed in it badly enough.... You see my points, right? I'm a vegetarian, by the way, and I would still sooner put my faith in cosmic pork than the Ministry of Jesus. Nothing against him personally but if you judge a man by the company he keeps...

I'm genuinely not that bothered how much chocolate and crap you eat, so long as the only damage done is to your heart, and your wallet etc. I'd personally rather you think for yourself and act on the basis of grounded, rational thought and not just because "it's a tradition". Just remember that slavery was a tradition once, as was lynching black people or persecuting Jews. Just because you have done something unopposed for a while doesn't make it automatically a good thing. 

I am a firm believer that there is no "halfway house", no "middle ground" when it comes to religions that proclaim a creator God. Either you believe literally that (in spite of the scientific evidence) God chose to raise his son from the dead after three days on 'Eostre' Sunday, or you do not. No matter how neat "Zombie Christ" sounds, we have to be realistic here folks. You cannot "believe in Jesus but not in God" (yep, herd that today too) and you can't believe that Jesus was the son of God, but not believe in the Resurrection, or visa versa. Easter IS Christianity - there must be no bones about it and we leave no stone unturned, as it were! 

If you believe in some kind of "Higher Power", but not the Bible or the Qu'ran, then I'm delighted that you have come to your own conclusions, and can only assume you have good reason to do so. But for the love of all that's good and pure, whatever you choose to believe - lets stop this mindless consumption! What is the alternative though? What would my 'Pagan' Easter sans chocolate look like? I have no idea, but I would rather people paint eggs on each other and chase after mating rabbits, naked, at dawn - it would burn off a few calories, be in keeping with the spirit of new life and provide light entertainment for the children, at least....

What I'm frustrated at is people not questioning their actions, or customs, and in particular,  something sacred to so many being used to sell chocolate. Christianity, to drag it into the 21st Century, needs more genuine Christians, and a load more openness about their faith. If I were a Christian, I'd be outraged! Above all else, people need to question their own beliefs and motives. If people want to do good in the world, then wonderful, me too, but we should do so based on a recognition of our shared humanity, out of duty to each other as fellow denizens of Earth, and not because a books tells us to or because we want to get into heaven and save our own hides.

By exploring our own beliefs and motivations critically, they really come alive to us, and feel a lot richer. Equally, there is nothing compassionate about tolerating the ignorance of others. If someone tells us that they hate gay people "because they just do" then should we accept that? Why should theists have that right, but not the rest of us? 

If some people reading this honestly believe that Jesus was literally the Son of God, was resurrected three days after dying and ascended to heaven, then fair play... That's a leap of faith I don't think I could muster. I have compassion for all beings, but there is nothing wrong with just checking that people understand that which they claim to believe in... Ignorance is not a crime, and I judge no-one. Lots of Christians do lots of good in the world, I am merely pointing out the obvious irony of the wealthiest nations on earth celebrating the cornerstone of their faith by engaging in mass-consumption of chocolate, rather than feeding the poor. That would be the most Christian thing to do.

So what is my reflection after this rather daring outburst? 

I despair when I see so much needed and by so many in the world, whilst people in the 'developed countries' obey customs unquestioningly and do greedy, stupid shit which makes no sense. Instead of blindly keeping up appearances with neighbours, instead of buying $350 worth of chocolate for already-pudgy children, what if at Easter time every Christian on earth spent that money not on rotting their teeth or their minds, but instead on feeding, clothing and educating the most vulnerable people on the planet? We could start with the cocoa farmers couldn't we? Isn't that what 'JC' urged people to do? Too radical? Yeah, I thought so too.... No wonder he still hasn't turned up yet... "fuck em Dad, they've totally missed the point... I ain't going back 'til they get their shit together and start looking after each other better!"...

Why are so many Christians so un-Christ-like? It's enough to make me really angry, for I am a vengeful writer, but in the immortal words of the Prince of Peace himself, I shall "forgive them, for they know not what they do"... By the looks of things, all these years later, most of us still haven't got the faintest idea, myself included. And if you are a Christian and this upsets you... Forgive me!

In short, call me crazy, but I honestly think that our choices and ethical conduct should stem from a knowledge of how our action affect others, both positively and negatively, and not because a book says so. We need to see the world clearly for what it is, in light of our own experience and act in according to that vision. We certainly have reached a point in human evolution where the theists need to be able to say "yes, we believe X, Y and Z because..." and then give a clear explanation, otherwise we will go from a post-Christian period to a post-theism age. I'm not going after theism or religion per se, but people accepting things such as traditions and customs on blind faith, and then judging others based on somebody else's rhetoric. I cannot abide circular logic used to justify one's own ends. I really detest it. This type of mindless conformity needs to stop, as it leads to persecution, hatred and if nothing else, a distended stomach and a blood-sugar level that could drop a horse. Plus you look a bit silly and superficial if you admit that you are celebrating a religious holiday for the free chocolate. Thinking for yourself means living for yourself, and nothing could be more liberating and exciting than that!

And that is something we can all agree on.

Citation:
*http://www.statisticbrain.com/easter-statistics/
** OnePoll survey and Fairtrade.org.uk

Episode Three: How do you sleep at night? - 5 Simple and Easy Tips to get a better night's sleep.

Circa 2006... This is NOT what a good night's sleep looks like... This game was the band's drunken version of
'Buckaroo'.  I don't remember this being a particularly good morning either...

Do you find yourself constantly tired or having trouble sleeping? Do you repeatedly wake up in the night, fully alert, for no discernible reason? I do, all of the above, and it sucks! It really sucks! If you are like me and sometimes find sumber-related issues are affecting your life then it's worth remembering that much like schizophrenia, you are never alone. A recent study by the World Sleep Foundation in the US discovered that there are over 108 million people 'over the pond' with sleeping disorders, costing their economy between $90 billion and £110 billion a year.* It's stupid money, literally inconceivable sums! That's just the diagnosed cases that are being counted by the way, and the actual figure could be twice as many... And that's just in the USA, and although they can't be accurate, most studies and organisations estimate that up to 45% of all people in the world are currently living with a periodic sleeping disorder of some sort. Thats means that as we speak, there are approximately 4billion people walking around with odd socks, inexpertly-applied makeup and mis-buttoned shirts, or the Third-World equivalent of putting their milk in the cupboard and their cornflakes in the microwave. That's approximately 4 billion people every day running an increased risk of loosing their jobs, having a heart attack or nodding off at the wheel, leading to brief but lively excursions into oncoming traffic. 

I hate to admit it, but it's happened to me several times over the years and I'm sure all drivers know the shock of realising your previous few hundred yards have been traversed with closed eyes. It's a scarrier thought knowing that you, your best friend or a family member could be tomorrow wiped off the face of the planet for the sake of someone's work (your own, perhaps?), playing online games or You-Tubing "kittens in period costume" until 1am. In the USA alone, over 2,000 people die every year (that's six today, six tomorrow etc) because of sleep-deficiency-related accidents. Of course, these statistics are just the instances where the OFFICIAL cause of death was recorded as such, and in many cases families often do not disclose sleep deprivation to avoid being sued by innocent victims or their surviving relatives. The actual figure could be twice or three times higher. 

Even the most cursory glance over the sleeping-disorder statistics is enough to keep you up at night, ironically. Let us be clear: It's killing thousands of people every year, directly or indirectly, and in most cases the problems can be easily be treated with a few simple lifestyle changes and a bit of discipline. Once the damage is done, sadly, there's no going back. A close friend once confessed that he had been involved in a fatal collision, some twenty plus years ago in Spain. He wasn't in anyway to blame, and the suspicion was that the victim had nodded off at the wheel, but it still haunts him to this day. Sometimes, the 'survivor guilt' feels worse, not better with time.

I used to need very little sleep. As a musician in my 20's it was completely normal to play a gig on a Thursday night, get three hours of inebriated shut-eye, and battle through a day of work on Friday. With all the gigging, partying, rockin' and a-rolling over the years, I have been awake for over 48 hours on more occasions than I care to recall, but luckily the majesty of a sunrise is rarely lost on me. That being said, when I flew out to India last February, I was up for over 67 hours. I really don't recommend it! A new and alien continent is not the place to start spontaneously hallucinating and giggling at the ATM. It was a new personal best, but scant consolation if I have a stroke before I'm 50. 

Essentially, the two variables leading to sleep deprivation are quality and quantity. Insomnia, both where you cant sleep and where you wake up repeatedly in the night, is very common, as is poor quality sleep caused by distraction, digestion, sleep apnea (where you stop breathing for up to a minute, sometimes 20-50 times an hours!) and 'restless limb' syndrome. 

Many people with sleeping disorders are also simultaneously dealing with other contributing health problems, such as alcohol/drug addiction or obesity in the case of sleep apnea, and as we all know, a lack of sleep makes any underlying or even unrelated problems feel infinitely more overwhelming and raw. Sleep deprivation causes depression, social anxiety, feelings of separation, weight loss, poor diet, premature ageing, and can in some unfortunate cases, kill. Clearly our collective problems are more serious than back-to-front trousers, perplexingly poor co-ordination or mysteriously vanishing house keys... Winston Churchill famously declared that he needed less than 4 hours sleep a night, but then again, Maggie Thatcher made the same claim, so clearly the link between long hours and productive, rational though is a questionable and tenuous one at best.

Forced to work well past retirement age, the exploitation of the elderly, frail and vulnerable should not be tolerated!
We all need sleep... Some more than others, clearly. Top marks to Charles for locking his heals at least...

But why this propensity to neglect such a vitally important aspect of our lives? Why do we often feel like we are not 'ready' for bed at 11pm? The chances are that you are not regularly getting the recommended eight hours a night advocated by most doctors for a normal adult, and any parent will be unsurprised to learn that on average 10-12 hours is required for a teenager. Evidently, growth spurts and the development of secondary pubic hair is a tiring business!  Recently, scientific studies indicate that people who meditate are systematically rewiring their brains to function more quickly, efficiently and thus require less recovery time at night but even so, why such a general disinclination towards horizontal restitution? Why such unrest at night? Why is it such an endemic problem, and on a global scale? 

The author and thinker, Sangharakshita, once wondered if that sense of unrest was due to a deep-rooted and subconscious lack of fulfilment in our hearts, the subtle sense that we still haven't quite been satisfied by our day. For me it is usually the uncomfortably feeling that I am missing that one last experience which will make my day feel complete and worthwhile. I know this all too well... "Maybe one last beer, joint and episode of 'Family Guy' will make me feel tired?" I tell myself.  Yeah, right! I'm doing it now, at 4am, desperately trying to wring out the very last drops of potential from 'the day'... And I wonder why I can't switch off at night. So on an immediate, practical level, what can be done about it?

Generally speaking, small change soon adds up into a huge difference in our quality of life: even a road-side nap of merely 15 minutes can increase a driver's alertness by up to 80%. If we are struggling with exhaustion and we are able to fit in a daytime nap, we should aim for 90 minutes as this is the length of the average sleep cycle from the preliminary stages all the way through to R.E.M, where all the important 'deep sleep' occurs. Pot smokers suffer particularly here as THC (the chemical that gets you 'high') is also the same one which inhibits R.E.M sleep**: Even if you are out cold for 8 hours, if you smoked a fat joint before bed, you can feel like you've only gotten the equivalent of 4 hours quality rest. In light of this, we can see that it is not the weed per se that screws up so many pot smokers, but weeks, months and even years without a good night's rest. Trust me, you'd be paranoid too if you hadn't slept properly for 3 years. Again, I know from experience. It's just awful!

Sleep undoubtably affects our emotions and visa versa. A prolonged lack of it also leads to erratic behaviour, high blood pressure (causing heart attacks, strokes and aneurisms) and at the very least, emotional fragility and impaired cognitive prowess. So, with our collective wellbeing in mind, I've compiled a 'Top Five Tips' list from looking back over my 20+ years of living with a sleeping disorder, or what my mum used to call "the neon disease"- I only want to function at night. I hope that by sharing this list you will be able to save yourself a lot of hassle, have a less befuddling time of it in the morning, and hopefully never wipe a family of four off the face of the earth. That would be nice huh? It's good to set yourself little goals. Just try and see what works for you, although if you gradually put them all in place, you might be surprised how much of a difference it makes to your everyday quality of life. You owe it to yourself to at least give it a try...

Five Simple Tips to Get a Better Night's Sleep -

1. Be Prepared:

Make sure you have created the optimal conditions in your room for sleep. Common sense really...

- Ensure room setting is optimal: it should be cool, dark, quiet, and distraction free.

- Set a timer for your TV/Computer to switch off after 20 minutes or so.

- Why not unwind in hot bath an hour before?

- Do NOT listen to aggressive, energetic or high tempo music.

2. Develop a relaxing bedtime ritual:

Your childhood conditioning has by now worn off so it's up to you to exercise discipline wherever possible. A regular routine programs the mind to prepare for sleep, and certain triggers in a certain order will eventually help you 'get into that place' whereby you are ready to clamber under the duvet, or somebody else's, should you be so lucky.

- Develop a ritual and try and stick to it five to six days of the week 

- Try meditation, yoga, tai chi, brushing teeth, reading a book - or some of my longer blog posts!

- Do NOT do any work/emails photo editing an hour beforehand -  leading to "fizzy brain" syndrome!

- Count sheep/the breath back from 100 or experiment with relaxation exercises/body scans etc.

3. Be consistent and get comfy:

Get on a regular schedule if possible, and be kind to yourself,

- Set realistic times for sleeping and waking times and be consistent.

- Get comfortable: try ear plugs, mattress topper, seasonal duvets etc.

- Only use bed for sleeping (see Tip Five) and do NOT study or hang out with mates on it. This ties the bed into other activities.

4. Body, speech and mind.

The body and the mind are totally interdependent, so don't neglect one at the expense of the other.

- Try and speak calmly and kindly an hour or two beforehand. 

- If in a relationship, NEVER go to bed on a row! Agree to discuss tomorrow, and express love if poss.

- Get regular exercise - it reduces 'stress hormones' and makes you more physically tired... 

- But DON'T exercise within 2 hours of bed - adrenaline levels will be too high to sleep.

- Consider drinking camomile tea/herbal extract teas after 8pm. These have known sedative properties.

- Avoid alcohol/drugs if possible.

- Avoid caffeine/high sugar-content drinks/snacks e.g. chocolate after 8pm... Not cool at all!

- Do NOT go to bed on an empty stomach nor eat just before - digestion interrupts sleep! 

5. If all else fails... Have a Plan B!

Own the problem but don't stress. If you are lying in bed for more than 25 min, maybe get up?

- Try and wind yourself down with a boring book/yoga/meditation. Feel your energy cycling down...

- Try journaling notes for the following day, and agree with yourself to deal with it then.

- Avoid clock-watching. Its infuriating, pointless and makes me prone to clock-destroying tantrums.

- If all else fails, have a wank.

As we all know, the good news is that masturbation (or technically, speaking an orgasm) releases endorphins, the 'happy hormones'. Even if you aren't very good at it, it will still burn calories and a few hours of fruitless slapping/pounding should make you tired anyway. You can't lose! Post-coital hormones released (in men especially) tend to shut the body and brain down... You're tired, you're stressed...You have that big 'thing' on tomorrow... Why lie in your sweaty frustrated crapulence a moment longer? Why not treat yourself? Just make sure your partner doesn't wake up!

So, my reflection after all of this:
For me, sleep is the opposite of alcohol: It's free and it makes you feel great! A lack of sleep can seriously affect your day, your decisions and ultimately your life, as well as the lives of others. By taking responsibility for our own conditioning, by getting into good habits and looking after your body and mind in equal measure, you can quickly turn those sullen frowns upside down. The bags under your eyes will vanish, the world will seem a brighter place and you will feel more robust and quick-witted. Your self-esteem will go up, you might even be able to work up the courage to finally ask that cute temp in accounts for a drink before the boss does. If not... It's always good to have a plan B... 

And that's something we can all agree on! 

Sweet dreams - The Dharma-Farmer xx

Citation:

*http://www.statisticbrain.com/sleeping-disorder-statistics/
**http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-teenage-mind/200906/marijuana-sleep-and-dreams
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Episode Two: "Hospitals SUCK!" - Choosing gratitude, and being grateful for the choice to do so...

Don't judge dread... It can keep you safe too, just remember to challenge it rationally and kindly.
And within the Law.

I am hunched forward, sat staring at green-flecked linoleum flooring. I hear my mother sigh for what feels like the two hundredth time that hour. We found ourselves today at the Radiology department of a major North-West hospital, one I've seen a lot more of recently. I had a nasal endoscopy last week, and because of some concerns there are some follow-up tests being carried out today, namely to see if my sudden and unexplained weight loss (nearly two stone/25lbs in 10 weeks) could be attributed to as yet unknown tumours of either the lungs or colon. Now there's a cheery thought to keep you up at night. And the night after that. And probably the next few nights too...

All around me are others, in states of more or less obvious decrepitude, but most of us share that same middle-distance stare. They are running behind today, a smiling nurse apologetically informs us. The sea-foam green walls lend her words an unintended, cold indifference. "But we've been here an hour and a half" I want to plead, but of course I don't. I'm too nervous, and I know it.  From everywhere and nowhere floats the quiet hum of air conditioning, respirators and a distant unwatched TV, punctuated every 25 seconds or so by either my mothers frustrated exhalations, or an unnerving alarm going off, or both. People dash from room to room, corridor to corridor, keen to avoid eye contact, except the staff, most of whom seem unnaturally cheery, as if this were a village bakery and not Gods waiting room. A tough-looking middle-eastern mother and daughter, dressed splendidly for the occasion and speaking an unusual and unidentifiable language, are the only ones who don't appear bothered by the indeterminable wait and seem to be actually complimenting and appreciating their surroundings. I am intrigued, and I later reflect on this...

I think it's worth remembering that this country's "problem" with immigration stems from the fact that Britain is actually a rather nifty place to find oneself, especially when compared to the other 99% of the planet's surface. Most of our shared earth is water-covered, so tera firma is a great start. Generally speaking, Britain is a pretty cushy deal, when compared to, say, South America. Or sub-saharan Africa. Or north Africa. Or China. Or India. Or Eastern Europe even... You see the pattern here, right? When you consider the basic maths, and the odds of you being born somewhere else, there's a lot to be grateful for, I recon. In Britain, we are blessed with hot running water, a National Health Service and hospitals in which to combine the two, for example. We are rarely troubled with anything more dangerous than boredom or high cholesterol, although nowadays I fear they are in danger of developing a symbiotic relationship. When compared to what most people subside on, the standard of living is astronomically high and the last significant tsunami was 8,000 years ago. In short, we lucky few in Britain have it very easy, and never more so than now. Convenience culture has bestowed upon our quaint little island a veritable smorgasbord of opportunity and levels of luxury hitherto unknown, plus we live in a time of democratic political stability. A glance at the headlines will attest that regrettably, this is by no mean so for the majority. The people of Ukraine may have McDonalds and Starbucks, but they also now have to wait in line with armed militia and order under the constant threat of sniper fire, although not literally, one hopes. 

Bleurgh! This picture does not do justice to some awesome, though foul-tasting technology!

We are very lucky to live in a world where these exist AND are available to us... Very lucky indeed!

It's rare to have everything, and harder still to hold onto it if you do, so I chose to dwell on all the things I am grateful for. My Barium-fated future sat heavy on my shoulders; I realised I was begrudging the fact that I had to go to hospital in the first place. Yet most people don't even have access to the type of vending machines the hospital had, and I felt the gratitude extinguishing my anger at the morbidly obese patients queueing to get at them. We have gyms too, and leisure time in which we may find the opportunity to shed a few unsightly pounds, if we so choose. We have so much freedom of choice, it's rather wonderful really, and even though some choose to trash their bodies, many choose not to. Moreover, in the western world all governments have education systems which at least try to ensure that every child in the country is literate. That in itself is astounding, irrespective of the mixed fruits of those endeavours in this country.

So yes, we might have really crap shows on daytime TV in Britain, and yes, it is ironic that the hospital administrators chose the most life draining ones for their waiting rooms, but at least I live in a world where hospitals cater for the chronically under-stimulated, as well as people genuinely ill. There were no armed guards by the entrance to the hospital either, and the staff were lovely. After and hour or so of patient forbearance, I was led off into a private cubicle by a kindly nurse who was profusely apologetic. I reassured her I was quite alright, and she gave me some privacy. Vestigial garments were removed and I availed myself of the fresh, clean gowns offered. Again, fresh gowns - a luxury not to be taken for granted. 

Sadly, my nurse was nowhere near this attractive, and I looked like a skinned lizard in a gown.
Still, you might get lucky, but there are easier ways to get laid...

Five minutes later she returned and led me down a disconcertingly breezy hall (?!) where I was then confronted with a room that resembled the set of a sci-fi thriller, Independence Day perhaps. It consisted of a table upon which the patient, whilst swallowing large amounts of radioactive Barium (I know, enticing, right?) is strapped down and can be raised, lowered, tilted or indeed inverted and jiggled if required, in order to sluice the foul-tasting paste through your liquid-bereft and food-starved tract. It was like a flight simulator set to 'toboggan', but slowly and without the visuals. Instead, a large, dark, multi-panelled screen swung round me wildly, like being inspected by a giant fly. It was at some point during my third cup that  I nearly choked on the viscus white gloop. Not out of fear you understand, but from trying not to laugh! I got the giggles, I couldn't help it... The male doctor shouting "swallow" every 30 seconds...  Recalling how I've never had to swallow on camera before... I lost it. Luckily for me, they seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of the stuff. Where were they getting it from? I looked at the elderly Asian doctor suspiciously, but he was fixated on the screen and although manning the joysticks masterfully, a face drained of all emotion was failing to see the funny side of it. Either way, humour helped me get through a rather unpleasant experience. A lot.


So sperm jokes aside, what are my reflections after what could prove to be a seminal day, as it were? No pun intended*, but sometimes we all have to do things that suck. When we anticipate something with dread, it feels like it is sucking the very life from us; hearing an 'ex' will be at a social engagement you can't get out of, your 'one-to-one' quarterly performance appraisal at work, traffic when we are running late - all these things literally 'suck' your happiness away. You just got to do what you can, when you can, as they say. 

Occasionally, the things we dread are actually quite good for us and can turn out to be more fun than we thought; if we start by approaching any difficult or challenging situation with a sense of calm interest, determined self-assuredness and a well-humoured curiosity then we can at the very least reduce the amount of stress things causes us in our day to day lives. In my case, juvenile sniggers and a coughing fit help too..."Take it in your mouth... HOLD IT!... Now swallow... Take more, swallow more...!" I couldn't breathe, much less swallow, and in spite of the potential seriousness of the situation, I found it hysterical.

Because I'd been aware of my emotional state as a bit fragile when I went in, I was also aware of my surroundings: Thus I happened to notice the mother-and-daughter-combo, which lead to a kindly train of thought, and I rode the rails. This same train eventually pulled in to 'Gratitude Station', allowing me to alight and continue my day's journey via 'Equanimity Way.' It's a great way to travel and I thoroughly recommend it. I might have initially been waiting for the worst, but I know what's best for me. It's interesting, but when I stopped judging the dread harshly, and acknowledged it in a lighthearted way, all the tension lifted. Besides, a few nerves are to be expected with these things. But if we take time to also count our blessings, such as at living in a country with so much going for it, globally speaking, then it can bring a sense of balance and equilibrium to our hearts and minds. 

We often don't appreciate the unforeseen brushstrokes of fate, and though we can't change the picture, we can choose to reframe it. Looking back, I feel grateful to my now-former-self, because whether you exercise it or not, there is one right that no-one can ever take from you - the right to choose how you respond to adversity. It's the only choice we truly have.

And I think that's something we can all agree on.






*all puns intended, by order of the management ;-)

Episode One: Take a look around - What do you know?

...but I still say "yes" to aspirations to become a better person.
Welcome to my secular soiree... Please, do pull up a theist... I mean, a chair... 

So, here we go…

I'm pleased to hear that quite a few people recently have been reading my work. Or attempting too. You see, there's a problem. This chap keeps butting in and having the final say in everything I attempt to discuss. He's usually sat cross-legged, and it seems to be all about him, frankly… Whilst his wacky ideas may be of interest to some of you, to others it's just not what you are into. And that's totally cool with me. It's not the label by which you live your life, but by the actions, right? Ultimately, reading about this Buddha chap, Gotama or Gary or whatever his name was.. well.. it just isn't for everyone. Bizarrely, it's taken me nearly three years to realise this. Good work, Jay.

Hence we find ourselves at a juncture, a point of departure as we sail into uncharted and uncertain seas… I've been asked by quite a few people recently if tales of my turbulent spiritual endeavours are all I want to publish. Would I ever consider writing about something else? "Er… Sure, why not?" I always mumble, but my chin dips reflexively in self-doubt. You see, with Buddhism, it's something I know a lot about. More than your average person at any rate. I am fascinated, enthralled and captivated by it. On a very deep level, I have an unexplainable emotional response to this Buddhism malarkey, and for me, it works. It's saved my ass on many an occasion, and possibly my life too. No joke. I was in a bad place 4 years ago…

Music had died for me. Understandably, it was a very difficult time. I've played since I was five or six years old, and it felt like I was losing a childhood friend to a protracted terminal illness, drawn out and excruciating to behold. In many ways, it was. My earliest memories  are of playing music. In the beginning, my parents were generous enough to pay for the hire of my first cornet, as well as subsequent tuition. I was hooked. My elder brother played trumpet around me a lot as a kid. Either that, or my selective memory only retains the highlights, which usually involved brass and on one lively and memorable New Years Eve, a banjo! I can still recall the first time I saw him play, 25 years ago… The magical mystery of music and it's conveyance rapidly became my all, my everything. Fast forward through my subsequent years in school orchestras, to my conversion to the dark, malevolent and possibly teenager-ruining influences of Rock & Roll…

1992 - I had been playing music for four or  five years by now.

I followed music like a beacon of hope as we slipped from one millennia into the next. From now otherworldly-distant college memories, it guided me through a failed university attempt and out the other side, stoned and still dreaming of Glory in my early 20's. I knew it was now or never. It turned out to be never. In spite of years of dedication to my craft, literally countless gigs and all the encouragement and support from friends and family, it ended with my tenure in The So & So's in 2011. I had played in many different bands on many different levels, some now more well known than others, but none of them had the breaks, the drive or in some cases, even the tunes to cut the mustard for me. Occasionally, I found a worthwhile project, but managed to scupper my chances by playing in five other groups and spread myself to thin. When I wasn't having alcohol-fueld mental breakdowns, I leapfrogged from project to project, and got further than I thought, but all things come to an end, and for a variety of reason which are now unimportant, I amicably but with a broken heart bowed out of The Music Industry.

2004 - playing in a Manchester metal band called Censa Faya. I look like an extra from Wayne's World...

Things had changed. I had changed. The music scene had changed several times: grunge yielded to Britpop, Cobain to Cocker. From Jarvis and Jamirequai we found ourselves at Jedward. In my short but colourful life we've gone from Motorhead to Miley Cyrus, and she wasn't even a twitch in ol' Billy-Ray's quivering scrotum when I started! Everything had changed since I first dreamt a dream. The industry I'd so desperately wanted to be a part of no longer existed. It too had seen the cumulative changes of twenty years since I'd first tooted my first uncertain notes of joy. Cd's had come and gone! That's mental... That's a loooong time to see yourself as one thing, in my case, as an aspiring professional musician... Even now, the nostalgia brings a sigh to my heart… So many years… But everything changes. It has to. We live in a world which depends upon change to develop and grow; for technology to advance, things must arise and pass away. It's a fact, but I didn't understand this at the time, and I totally over-defined myself as "a musician", to a point where the transition was an unspeakably painful one… My email address still testifies to this reluctance to let go, and though I'm still "Jay", I am noticeably less "Bass-Man" these days.

10 very quick years later...

Skip forward a few more lively and colourful years, and here we are. A blog in which the B-Word is banned. And the point of my first entry? To see if I can connect with others and share reflections in a more every-day kind of  way. Some big questions will be asked, I'm sure, but I also want to see if I can keep my posts restricted to a few paragraphs, hopefully offering a bit of what I call 'mental floss' just to keep our collective cogs turning. Perhaps there will be few questions for yourself, dear reader, to ponder over in between sporadic bursts of violence towards less considerate motorists, ogling the new temp in accounts or whatever we all do in our less productive moments. At the very least I hope to prove to myself, if to no one else, that I am not scared of wandering into murky and less familiar territory. 

However, I owed an explanation for this column. Please don't think that I have completed my challenge. All I have done is contextualised it, as well as writing a very average and oft-heard biography... "Failed musician… Substance abuse… Oh! What a surprise - he's discovered religion!" I'm hardly the first nor will I be the last to wander this predictable route. However, I was once advised that if you get stuck, you should always write about what you know. I suppose I know myself, or at least have a vague idea, and maybe I will discover more here than in my other posts. 

Here I hope to see the poetic aphorisms and pithy sayings of infinitely wiser people refracted through me and reflected onto you, hopefully forming some interesting new kaleidoscopic patterns of truth in both our minds. Life is an endless, boundless, infinitely complex ocean of inter-woven events, actions and consequences, call and response... Who knows what could happen tomorrow if we remain open to the possibility of something good entering our lives? Often I find myself so goal-oriented I forget to come up for air. I am starting to notice the benefits of stoping, pausing, and trying to smell the roses, coffee or the shit on my own doorstep - whichever is the most prevailing scent of the day. Try it! Take a good whiff - awareness is revolutionary.

So reflection of the day: If you are feeling lost, as I said, take a look around. Ask yourself the "who's, whats, wheres, whens and whys' of the situation, and try and bring yourself back to your present moment, to what you know. As of this moment, who are you? What are you doing? Why? Context is everything. Space and time define the mind. Slip out of the noose of your habitual anxieties of the past or the future, back into the unrestricted 'nowness' of the present moment, as the Tibetan writer Sogyal Rinpoche once put it. Bring yourself back to what you know, because if you can't be honest with yourself today, then your tomorrow will be a lie too. 

And that's something I think we can all agree on.